Was I not good enough, or was I just a pawn in your game to begin with?

Was I not good enough, or was I just a pawn in your game to begin with? 


Somehow you’ll help me accelerate my success and optimize my opportunities. You’ll tell me what I need to do to nurture my ambition. You know how to enhance my talent. You’ll change my life. 


It seems innocent at first: 

  • A resume rebuild
  • Giving me discounted hourly rates
  • Teaching me to write my own contract
  • Flying in your plane to a meeting
  • Boost my intelligence 


Then more…

  • Wear the black dress 
  • Have the long nails
  • Emphasize the importance of appearance
  • Downplay my beauty 
  • Buy me clothes so you can “lift” me up 
  • Work dinners turn into after hour drinks
  • Feeling safe in your arms
  • Accredited investors with a six figure deal


You dropped me. 180 degrees and you never told me why. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Did I say something wrong? Was I not smart enough? Did I not blindly jump into something exactly the way you wanted? I needed time. I thought you were helping me. You were using me. 


Was I a means to an end? Or perhaps I was a prize to conquer, consequently caught in a battle between your ego and insecurities. Was this about me or you? I don’t know. 


The finale:

  • My promotion taken away
  • Job opportunities given to the next girl
  • Networking forbidden because no one else could have me
  • Greater than standard rates because you’re unhappy with me
  • You would invest in me only if I was with you


This is a compilation of fragmented pieces of different experiences that I’ve had as a woman in business, but they are the same stories of women everywhere, and they reverberate the obstacles women face on a daily basis. How do we move up in life? In my field, 98% of venture capital funds go to men. How do we attain money without selling our soul? How do we keep our sanity when the men holding the cards discard us not based on merit, but as they desire?


“Use men like they use us.” I hear this continuously, but it doesn’t feel right. I’m left wondering, what IS the right solution then? 

  • Vengeance 
  • Accept inequity as an inescapable reality
  • Forgive and forget
  • Ignorance is bliss
  • Pursue your dreams at all costs 
  • Stay true to yourself


Regardless, they will say we are too much and act like we are not enough. I don’t know what the right answer is, but I do know that I am capable. I want every other woman, with your stories similar to mine but unique in their kind, to know it too. 


So welcome to the Hammerhead Lingerie family! 


Welcome to embracing “too much.” 

Welcome to more than enough.

Welcome to fuck off!

Welcome to saying the word no!


However, I want to emphasize that it’s not about using, manipulating, and hurting people in the process. It’s about building a community and supporting each other. It’s about wanting our voices to be heard and believing that together, we can make a difference.


What’s your story?